Hi, this is my first post and I just wanted to say hello to you all. I have gained a lot of inspiration and courage from this community, especially on Instagram and more recently this site. You are all such amazing people, beautiful people. A little about myself, I'm 44 years old, married for 20 years and a father of two wonderful teenage boys. I have crossdressed since I was 18 and have struggled so much with not just others perception of me but with my own acceptance of myself. I have gone through long periods of depression and if it wasn't for the support of my wife, I probably wouldn't be alive today! I know how lucky I am to have her by my side, I love her so much and know that she loves me for me. I have never, not even now, felt really comfortable in my body. I don't believe that I am a woman trapped in a man's body but I'm probably stuck somewhere in between. When I look at myself in the mirror I rate myself against a woman's body so I'm trying to reach a goal I will never reach but I also don't know if I really want it! I have slowly over time become braver with what I wear in public. At first, I hid myself from the world, I have come to realise however, that the world won't end if people see me. I have struggled with the staring, snickering and nasty comments though and it really can be one step forward, two steps back. Social media has helped play a big part with my struggle for acceptance, I posted a photo of me in a bra on Facebook then turned it off and hid for a few hours. The words of support from my friends was overwhelming but my brother and his family have made it clear they don't understand and don't want me in their children's lives. maybe one step forward, three steps back! I'm coming to the conclusion that I am who I am, I am a nice person with a kind heart. I love my family and they love me and that I am allowed to love myself. I want to be able to look in the mirror and yes I could lose some weight, yes I would like bigger boobs, yes I would like to look better in bikini but no, I don't want to be anyone else! Thank you for your support.