So I got to thinking today about how it’s December. It’s almost the end of 2016. This year I kept saying this was going to be the year of “Never becoming Yes’”. I decided I would push myself more. I decided that things I was told would never happen and things I thought would never happen I would make them happen. I wanted to love my body more. I wanted to push myself to be more comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to start to read about other women and men that are doing the same thing. That they are out there in this world doing what the world tells them they can Never do. That thing is to LOVE themselves just the way they are in that moment. To not think if I just lose 20 more pounds I will be happy, if I just didn’t have these dark hairs on my arm, if I just had clear skin, if I just could have more or less breast/butt/hips, if I could just….. I was tired of self hating. I was tired of thinking I had bet my anorexia to only find it creepy back in. I was tired of not sharing my story. I was tired of seeing all around me how I need to “fix” this and that. What if that was the way it was going to be forever? What if I never got any smaller? What if my skin never got fully clear? What if I always had this dark hairs on my arms? What if this was it? Would that really be the worst? Does my worth change because of these things? It was because of this I wanted to push myself to love myself just the way I am. I still feel like I have so far to go in this journey but I have come so far. This year has had more heartache and fear than I thought it would. I think many people feel this way. It is because of this I want to look back on my progress this year. I want to remember some of the wonderful times I have this year. I want to remember facing the fears and looking for the beauty in that moment. I want to remember how much I have changed this year. I want to remember just how strong I am. Sometimes I will have times that I feel like life is drowning me. I will feel like everything is just so much and I don’t know where it starts and ends. I have come to love order and list because of this. It helps me to feel like I have some kind of control in life. Sometimes that isn’t enough and I wonder about the world. In this moments I try to remind myself I am here. I am still here! It’s an amazing thing that I am still here! I am a mostly function adult. I am strong! I want everyone to remember in these moments you have faces some of the worst days in your life and you are STILL HERE! That is something Amazing! You are cable of so much more than you think. You so much more of a Badass than you ever thought you could be! Life is fucking hard sometimes. It’s okay if some days you can’t deal with life. It’s okay to sometimes just to want to do nothing but yell, cuss and cry. You have those moments. You let those moments remind you that you are still here and you are still strong! You then go and face life! For life can also be so beautiful that it hurts. Sometimes you can’t see the beauty in the moment. Try to look for that beauty. Sometimes it’s in the smallest of things. That is what I look for. It’s amazing how much holding onto negative things can have an impact on you. It’s easy to hold on to it. I am someone that negative emotions seem like a poison to me. I can feel it killing me. I am positive because I want to be. I am positive because I love that about me. Yes I have moments. Yes sometimes I wish the world would go away. Yes there are people I wish would go away. I am human I am not perfect and that is okay. So I will be looking back on my Instagram for the next week or two of my beautiful journey on Instagram. I hope you come take a look and enjoy seeing the beauty in the moment with me. I also hope though my words jump around like my thoughts they helped you.